it's been 9 months since you passed away

I am conflicted as I proceed. Then, I felt nothing. I dont have any words of advicejust know that I care that youre having a hard time. I wish I could believe it is going to be ok but I dont feel that way. I dont think I know how to live a normal life and cant really relate to other people . Find those who will support you and those who do understand or have a great sense of empathy. Birthday Calculator - Find when you are 1 billion seconds old. Our son, Kevin, died on January 28, 2017. Passed from pancreatic cancer. I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. I feel so alone and lost. Urban. So much ahead-so many great plans. I became numb, I spent the next 2 years struggling with the loss. Just do what u are comfortable with and dont use this time to begin new friendships/ activities unless you want to. He was 66. You said it for me. I was her carer at home till she passed away and now I am broken hearted and dont know what to do. I still love them all for the years we spent together and for what they meant to my wife. Look for feathers its a sign there near you. Time helps but its not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. Just coming up for the first anniversary in mid November, I am feeling wretched and exhausted. I too have some wonderful children and grandchildren but they have their own life and like Norma said until you are in the spouse club you really cant understand this lose. He was 53 years old, and in excellent physical condition prior to his diagnosis. Don fought so hard with what strength that he had but cancer took him from me. 2 Years Since You Passed Away Dad Quotes - Best Messages (Yes, I know, 14 months is not enough time, but this grievers-purgatory, if you will, is mentally exhausting.). It has not. Courtesy Marisa Renee Lee. Just last night I was in the grocery store and they had a Buy one/get one sale on an item that we both loved. He used to say i was the wind beneath his wings oh, he had that so wrong, as i am stuck on the ground with not even a breeze under my wingsI do know how blessed i was to have had the 46 years with the love of my life. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. visitors from any country you want (USA/UK/CA/EU) I am now 23 and I can assure you that the pain never goes away. I hate that he left so unexpectedly and I never had a chance to tell him goodbye or that I loved him so much. Heartache. He said any kind of self harm is your bodies way of protecting itself from the great, immeasurable pain. Been there done that wore his t shirt . Operative word being had. It was a very shocking and unexpected episode. I just want to be happy again here in Wichita ks. I had been married to him since I was 16 years old. I also wonder if the fact that I just turned 60 this summer, dont have much other close family, unable to work & my life restricted by disability, pain levels & not driving, are added in to the mix. He was sick for 6 months and then passed. They are my life line; especially since I live in town without my daughter and grandchildren, or for that matter without my parents, brothers sisters and extended family. I felt so lost. And his angles are looking over you. He listens. A time we could have reconnected and had some fun after working all these years for that goal. There's no "normal" path or timeline. Time and Date Duration - Calculate duration, with both date and time included. I am numb and hopeless since I lost my beloved soul mate and husband of 31 years. I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. God the pain is excruciating , even to bring my mind back, which I dont do, I feel like I am looking in a glass window at myself, doing all the things I have to do and only those things. It was almost like they are just now remembering or being affected again. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. I never got a chance to grieve for my dog and now I was faced to grieve the both of them alone. I struggle with everyday. Thank you for your message. I dont like to eat, but water for months. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. I dont think I can love again. I dont feel like I can face a future without him. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. not ever! He Was Grieving Over The Death Of His Best Friend. Two months are passed or Two months have passed? | HiNative Its been two years next month since my husband died we were together 52 years we knew each other 56 years. And took over my wifes life I came home valentines night from work found my wife leaning against the wall on the floor. I felt Helpless blamed myself. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. He was the most funny outgoing person in my life and I miss everything about him. I am in Year #2 and do know how these thoughts can creep in..But sucuide leaves so much suffering for those that remain. Time will pass and your hurt and suffering will diminish, and you will learn to live with it and honor the memory of your spouse, while moving forward. I am at the beginning of the second year since John passed. I still have Sophie, another king charles. Sadly you and I are far from alone. Love to everybody with the same feelings. I see little progress in me from when he first passed. They are blessings. I am a very strong person, but I longed for information and stories from other widows. The rest of the post has been deleted, only the title remains. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. Even negativity so unlike me! I am so sorry for your loss but shingles can be so painful and you were trying to spare him this pain. The other daughter from another marriage and she gave us three beautiful grandchildren Tyler 16 Dominic is turning in today and beautiful Savannah who just turned 3 every time I spend time with those children and I see, I too, lost my beloved husband two years ago. Nothing feels right anymore. Dear Charaine He came into my life defending me from a bully. I feel that while I will always miss my best friend and suffer great loss and sadness over her death, this home is a tomb of artifacts for me. And now Im beginning year 2 without him but it doesnt feel any less of a loss. This week I saw my daughter for the first time since he passed and now Im a wreck all over again. I want you to know that I feel alone without you. I still see you in my dreams on many nights and wish you never had to leave us. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. I thought I was coping my kids where still trying to cope with there own grieve. You are with me. Much love. I am currently in my second week of the 13 week course and am finding it to be very beneficial. I still cry every day, sometimes three or more times but keep trying to think of all the good times we had instead of how much I miss him , Almost three years now since my beloved Georgette went into eternity..and I still weep for her every day..every tear drop says I love you still I wasnt look for a new realationship I was coping . I believe this because of my faith. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. I dont know at the moment what the day will provide. Margaret, your husband died after 46 years of marriage last year and mine round the same time after 45 years. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. I know that I will remain his widow, no other man will ever be considered. I am done. I also never realized during the entire course of me caring for her, how fearful I was of getting sick. I dont do holidays with my kids or anyone: I cant. Ive missed her terribly for two years. My husband of 54 yrs. Eric, Im now at 27 months and he is still incredibly fresh in my thoughts everyday. My heart hurts. Disputes, mistakes, and shortcomings occur on both sides and are all in the past. I seem to be crying much more during the holidays. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. All you can do is hang on and float. He was 45 when he passed I was 43. This is by far the worse loss i have experienced. I wish everyone the best who want to continue their struggles to go on. I sat with her for a week in palliative care, with my dad. Do I see a doctor, join an old unhappy womens group, I just want to be through being lonely and miserable. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. My story is like yours, the most sudden pulmonary embolism of the love of my life. Also available in CD read by the author. I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. The grief is invisible to everyone around me, and Im too proud to let anyone in. I stay busy. Year 2.5 has made me more vulnerable to thoughtless remarks. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante. Whats a person to do with that, and where to go from here? So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. Intense emotional pain and sorrow, sometimes with anger and bitterness. I thought the second year would be easier. Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. The 3rd year of losing my 47yo sister to Cancer as well. I keep busy and that helps but I only have to look at his photo and that starts me off! The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. Since the Love of my life of 41 years..went to Heaven. I totally understand. But even after years, every day I'm carrying the pain . We have to keep going and keep strong! A white feather flew into my hand out oof the blue. People say to me its early days but you should start going out and meeting folk, however, I dont want to. Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. Im still not eating properly but am realizing how malnourished I am as well. I cant have gone completely cold though, as I cry reading all your letters, and am so grateful that we have each other xxx. Sometimes I try to think about losing him so I can cry but the tears dont come and its eating me up inside. Thank you for all your comments and thoughts you are sharing. Its way too much of a hassle! I miss him dearly, I am asking same question as you . I dont think this grief will ever get better. And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. All they bring is grief. I celebrate my grandkids birthdays, but still cant do Christmas or Thanksgiving. The other day, I saw the spitting image of my ex on the platform of the F train. I decided that Wichita was not for me. Regardless she of 37 years marriage and 6 years of love prior is gone and so was I actually the day of diagnosis in June. how nice it would be to have friends who are dealing with similar grief. It didnt hit me until I was driving out of the hospital parking ramp: I didnt get to take her home. I am not outgoing and heave no interest in making new community or establishing a new normal. My life with my beloved was just fine, and I thanked God constantly, for the gift of my soulmate. A battle every day to overcome his heart disease with swollen limbs from heart failure. Thank you my heart goes out to you very much Don. i have faith it will get easier somehow.but in that each of our circumstances are different, i just felt the need to feel sori for myself a minute. I dont want to hear it so I dont go out anymore. What helped me a little was to think that she was traveling and that she was coming back home in a few days I love him so. Hi everyone. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. There is a heaviness that is constantly on my chest. Everytime I hear the songs we use to play its like a piece of me dies inside. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. We had no idea our child was depressed or suicidal. The stories Ive read on this site are more in line with my experiences. For now, thats all were able to do. Weekday Calculator - What Day is this Date? Time does not necessarily heal. Oh Jennifer I read your words and its like me talking, I feel with you. I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. And then I start crying uncontrollably. It's been 20 years since you passed. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. Why is God so cruel? My husband was a Paramedic, and worked in the emergency department at a hospital. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. But oh, the silence, the noisy silence.some might think it a relief after the long worry and caring and initially I think there was some small relief, but now I know he has really gone and I cannot escape the tormenting thoughts. It seems I put so much of me into trying to get through the first year for our adult children, somehow the pain of the second year is catching me off guard. Take care everyone . They come 10 seconds apart and dont even give you time to catch your breath. I keep thinking why! I dont have a single friend in the same boat so it can get lonely even in a crowd. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. Date Calculators. I was with him everyday and night for a month during transplant and then nine month later he went in with the infection and I stayed with him five days and nights. I lost my younger sister to sepsis January this year. I do have support from family and friends but still feel so all alone. I share everyones pain expressed here. Some days, I think Im going to be ok (not the same kind of OK! that maybe I would have been before all this happened, but an ok relative to my new life), and other days Im in a deep, dark, scary place that I dont think I can survive. She was crying every day on the way to and from work. Maybe its some physical thing. I thought or believed that the following year it would have been easier, but I was wrong. Life is not always what we want it to be and it is hard to comprehend and put into words just how you feel.